We just finished celebrating Mother’s Day and I must say it was one of the most joyous ones I have experienced. My husband knew we were going to be busy on the actual Sunday with church and a graduation, so he and the kids gave me a special weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed it. As I was receiving my gifts, our son asked the question I remember thinking when I was little, “Since there’s a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, is there a Kid’s Day?” My husband quickly replied, “Yes. They are the other 363 days of the year.” Kendrick frowned at this but didn’t say much – I guess he realized dad was right.

 
So with Mother’s Day passed and Father’s Day just around the corner, I started thinking about the joys and the trials of raising children. My kids are in the preschool/elementary stage, so the days of diapers and night feedings are thankfully over. We have nieces and nephews in the teenage – driving – dating –
graduating stage and even some getting married…and I’m so glad we’re not there either! Micah and I are trying to take the advice we received years ago from our pastors in Oklahoma, which is to enjoy every season our kids go through…don’t
hold onto a previous one and don’t anticipate the next, just enjoy what you have now.

However, lately in speaking with several parents of ALL ages with children of ALL ages, it doesn’t seem like they’re all enjoying their current stage of parenthood. Most of that has had a central theme of the disapproval of their children’s behavior, from kids in diapers all the way up to kids who have kids of their own. There has been a central phrase or undertone in the conversations too: “I was mortified at…I was ashamed of…I couldn’t believe they…” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there. I’ve been mortified at the fit in the middle of the store (but I can guaranty that fit didn’t last long) and I’ve been aggravated at the constantly escalating reminders/warnings/threats to stop acting a certain way or to do something (just listen to Micah’s last message about this one @ www.cwopeople.org). No one likes the looks or whispers or even snide remarks people give you when your kids are acting up.
But my question is – WHY are we upset?

Our parental instincts are to protect our children. Sometimes protecting our offspring from the results and ramifications of their own behavior seems like a full time job. While it is good and noble and seemingly godly to direct our children on “right” paths, that still falls short sometimes. Some people, however, are more concerned with what they want for their kids, how they think
their kids should act and who they want their kids to be when they grow up. It’s all about them. This is where we’re missing the mark. The focus has to be GOD’S purpose, plan, and pleasure for our children! We can pour and pour and pour into our kids 365 (or even 363!) days a year but too often we’re teaching them to be self-centered (I’ll give to you so you can be what you want to be) or people-centered (I’ll give to you so you can be what I want or what others want you to be). That will set them up to fail every time. We must change our perspective to that of Revelation 4:11…Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.

My children were not put on this earth to give me pleasure, though that happens very often. They were not put here to cause me pain, though that has occasionally happened too. They are here for God’s pleasure and purpose. At this stage of their lives, that’s pretty easy to figure out what God wants for them. I know He wants them loved, protected, provided for, trained in His Word, free of care and free to believe in Him. As they get older and their giftings & callings become more evident, it could get messy if I try to decide just exactly what I think God wants for them. We as parents must be led by the Holy Spirit through each season in our children’s lives, whether it’s the formative early years, the sensitive teenage years, the expansive young adult years or whenever else they happen to find themselves. That
is especially important when the behavior and actions we are witnessing from them don’t line up with who we think God has created them to be; we must not approach them from our disapproval of said behavior and actions because that puts the focus back on us and not on God. We must ask ourselves “Does this bother me because I am embarrassed and I’m worried about what people think of me as a parent or does it bother me because this it isn’t who they are created to be?” Our every motive for encouragement, correction and even blessings we
give should be their development into the chosen vessels God has ordained them to be.

This whole dynamic filters down to an individual level with each of us. We must first understand that WE are here for God’s purpose! Do you know that your life is not your own and you were bought with a price? Do you know that the only expectations of you that really matter are God’s and He loved you so much that He poured out His life for you and into you so that you can be who He created you to be, and  that you will find great peace and fulfillment being whoever that is?

So today, whether you’re the mom of a 3 year old who doesn’t make it to the toilet in time or the dad of a 23 year old who still seems to be making some ugly messes, know that God has purposed YOU for His glory. And part of giving Him glory includes extending His goodness, mercy and love to the mess-maker in your life, because He has also purposed that mess-maker to be a vessel of His glory too. That doesn’t mean you can keep them from reaping what they sow (sometimes they’ll have to clean up the mess themselves), but it does mean that like the Father of the prodigal, you’re always there to let them know they were born for more so much more than slop. No matter how many times you feel like banging your head on the wall in frustration, rest assured that God is not doing the same. He is taking pleasure not in the mess but in that His child (who He entrusted to you) is one step closer to realizing who he or
she was born to be!